How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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