How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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