How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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