How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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