How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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