How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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