How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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