How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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