How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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