How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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