How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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