How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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