How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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