How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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