How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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