How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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