How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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