How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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