How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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