How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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