How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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