How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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