How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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