How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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