How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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