How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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