How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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