How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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