How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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