How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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