How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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