How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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