How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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