How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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