How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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