How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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