How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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