How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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