How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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