How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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