How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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