How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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