How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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