How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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