How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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