How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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