How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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