How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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