How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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