How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.

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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.

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