How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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