How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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