How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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