How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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