How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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