How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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