How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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