How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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