How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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