How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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