How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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