How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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