How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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