How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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