How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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