How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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