How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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