How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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