How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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