How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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