How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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