How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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