How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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