How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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