How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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