How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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