How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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