How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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