How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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