How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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