How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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