How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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