How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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