How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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