How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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