How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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