How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.

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