How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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