How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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