How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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