How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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