How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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