How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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