How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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