How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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