How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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