How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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