How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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