How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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