How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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