How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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