How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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