How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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