How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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