How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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