How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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