How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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