How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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