How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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