How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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