How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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