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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?
He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?
None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why did God invent lawyers?
So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?
By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?
Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it's Halloween!!
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?
I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
They had reservations.
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