How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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