How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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