How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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