How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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