How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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