How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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