How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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