How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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