How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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