How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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