How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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