How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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