How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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