How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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