How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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