How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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