How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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