How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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