How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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