How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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