How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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