How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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