How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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