How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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