How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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