How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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