How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.

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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.


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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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