How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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