How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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