How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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