How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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