How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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