How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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