How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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