How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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