How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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