How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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