How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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