How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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