How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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