How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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