How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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