How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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