How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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