How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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