How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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