How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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