How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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