How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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