How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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