How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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