How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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