How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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