How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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