How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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