How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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