How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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