How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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