How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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