How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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