How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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