How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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