How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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