How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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