How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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