How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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