How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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