How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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