How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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