How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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