How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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