How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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