How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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