How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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