How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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