How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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