How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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