How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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