How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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