How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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