How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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