How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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