How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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