How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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