How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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