How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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