How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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