How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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