How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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A seal walks into a club...
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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