How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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