How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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