How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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