How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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