How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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