How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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