How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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