How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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