How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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