How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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