How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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