How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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