How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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