How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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