How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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