How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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