How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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