How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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