How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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