How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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