How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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