How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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