How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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