How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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