How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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