How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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