How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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