How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk

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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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