How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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