How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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