How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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