How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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