How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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