How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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