How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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