How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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