How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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