How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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