How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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