How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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