How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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