How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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