How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Can you use pink,yellow and green in a sentence?

. The phone went green green, and I pinked it up and said yellow.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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