How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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