How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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