How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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