How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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