How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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