How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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