How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel

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