How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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