How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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