How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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