How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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