How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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