How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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