How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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