How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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