How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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