How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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