How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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