How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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