How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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