How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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