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How does a train sneeze?
Ah-choo-choo!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".
I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?
Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.
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Four fonts walk into a bar
the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?
In his trunk
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?
Five after one.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?
Time to get a new bed
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.
It’s a little fishy.
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