How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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