How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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