How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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