How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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