How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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