How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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