How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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