How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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