How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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