How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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A seal walks into a club...
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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