How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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