How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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