How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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