How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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