How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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