How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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