How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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