How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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