How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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