How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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