How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile

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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.

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