How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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