How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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