How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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