How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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