How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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