How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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