How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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