How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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