How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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