How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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