How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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