How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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