How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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