How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?

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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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