How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.


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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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