How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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