How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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