How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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