How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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