How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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