How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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