How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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