How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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