How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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