How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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