How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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