How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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