How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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