How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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