How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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