How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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