How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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