How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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