How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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