How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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