How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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