How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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