How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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