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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?
By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?
The Presidential Seal.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?
Thorium.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?
Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?
Seven months old.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?
A dead centipede.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the picture say to the wall?
I've been framed.
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