How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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