How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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