How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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