How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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