How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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