How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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