How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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