How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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