How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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