How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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