How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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