How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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