How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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