How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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