How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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