How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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