How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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