How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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