How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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