How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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