How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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