How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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