How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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