How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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