How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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