How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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