How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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