How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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