How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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