How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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