How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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