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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?
1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?
What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?
Ice cream.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?
She was caught taking a brake.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
On the bottom.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?
It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
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