How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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