How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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