How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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