How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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