How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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