How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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