How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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