How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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