How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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