How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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