How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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