How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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