How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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