How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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