How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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