How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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