How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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