How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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