How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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