How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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