How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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