How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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