How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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