How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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