How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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