How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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