How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them

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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood

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