How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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