How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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