How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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