How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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