How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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