How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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