How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs

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