How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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