How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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