How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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