How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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