How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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