How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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