How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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