How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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