How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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