How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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