How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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