How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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