How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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