How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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