How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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