How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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