How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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