How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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