How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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