How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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