How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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