How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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