How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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