How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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