How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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