How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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