How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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