How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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