How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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