How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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