How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.

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