How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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