How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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