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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?
Pointless
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.
I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why do you bring fish to a party?
Because it goes good with chips.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
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How many
gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?
Railroad ties.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?
The Elfabet.
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