How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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