How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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