How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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