How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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