How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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