How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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