How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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