How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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