How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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