How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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