How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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