How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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