How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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