How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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