How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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