How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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