How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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