How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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