How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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