How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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