How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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