How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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