How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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