How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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