How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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