How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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