How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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