How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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