How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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