How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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