How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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