How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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