How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.

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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.

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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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