How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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