How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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