How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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