How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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