How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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