How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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