How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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