How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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