How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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