How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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