How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore

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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.

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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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