How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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