How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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