How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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