How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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