How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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