How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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