How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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