How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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