How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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