How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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