How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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