How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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