How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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