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How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do whales eat?
Fish and ships.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?
A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?
Cell phones
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing
but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?
Answer: The back of his head.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?
The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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