How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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