How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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