How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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