How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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