How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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