How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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