How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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