How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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