How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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