How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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