How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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