How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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