How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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