How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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