How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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