How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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