How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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