How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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