How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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