How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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