How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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