How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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