How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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