How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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