How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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