How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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