How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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