How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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