How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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