How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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