How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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