How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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