How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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