How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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