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How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his ass.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing
but you accidentally say Mother.
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Where are sharks from?
Finland.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?
You can count on me!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
It's a total rip-off.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?
Quark!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth
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