How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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