How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.

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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.

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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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