How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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