How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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