How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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