How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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