How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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