How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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