How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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