How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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