How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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