How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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