How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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