How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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