How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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