How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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