How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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