How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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