How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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