How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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