How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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