How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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