How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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