How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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