How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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