How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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