How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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