How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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