How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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