How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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