How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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