How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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