How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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