How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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