How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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