How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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