How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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