How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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