How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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