How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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