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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But the guitarist has to show him first.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?
It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
Because he's Haydn.
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What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?
The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What's the definition of a minor second?
Two flutes playing in unison.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,
but I don't want one of them for my husband".
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What kind of cars do cats drive?
Catillacs
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