How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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