How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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