How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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