How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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