How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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