How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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