How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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