How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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