How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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