How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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