How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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