How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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