How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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