How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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