How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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