How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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