How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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