How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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