How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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