How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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