How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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