How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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