How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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