How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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