How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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