How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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