How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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