How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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