How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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