How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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