How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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