How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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