How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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