How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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