How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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