How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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