How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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