How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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