How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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