How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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