How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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