How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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