How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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