How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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