How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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