How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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