How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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