How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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