How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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