How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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