How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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