How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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