How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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