How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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