How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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