How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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