How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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