How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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