How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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