How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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