How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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