How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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