How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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