How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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