How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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