How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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