How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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