How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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