How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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