How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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