How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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