How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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