How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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