How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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