How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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