How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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