How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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