How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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