How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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