How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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