How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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