How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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