How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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