How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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