How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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