How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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