How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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