How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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