How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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