How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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