How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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