How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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