How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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