How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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