How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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