How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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