How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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