How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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