How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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