How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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