How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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