How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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