How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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