How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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