How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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