How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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