How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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