How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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