How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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