How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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