How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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