How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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