How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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