How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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