How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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