How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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