How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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