How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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