How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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