How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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