How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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