How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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