How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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