How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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