How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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