How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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