How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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