How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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