How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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