How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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