How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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