How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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