How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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