How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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