How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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