How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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