How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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