How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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