How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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