How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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