How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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