How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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