How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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