How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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