How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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