How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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