How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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