How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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