How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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