How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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