How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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