How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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