How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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