How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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